My precious grandma passed away a few weeks ago. She was 96 years old. Her breath slowed, then stopped and that was it. She was sleeping and then she woke up in heaven.
I prayed for the last few years that her passing would happen in her sleep.
It just seems like the best way to leave this world.
Her death seemed natural, expected.
What about the times when death seems too early, too tragic?
How do those of us living in this crumbling world deal with death that is a snatching of life, a picking of a beautiful blossom at its peak of perfection?
How do we let go?
How do we move on?
One thing I know is that time does not heal all wounds. We must choose to face the pain, to allow the Healer into our brokenness.
It is easy in times of grief and confusion to blame God for the loss of someone you love, to be angry with Him.
I understand this. I’ve done this. But I’ve learned it is so unhelpful.
It’s basically like losing a game and then blaming your teammates for beating you.
God is on your side. He loves you. He does not want harm to come to you. He doesn’t take people away from you to teach you a lesson. He doesn’t do that.
He mourns with us.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book. (Ps. 56:8 NLT)
Isn’t that an incredible and crazy image? He collects our tears in bottles. When I first heard this verse, I sort of laughed to myself. I said, “Surely it should say buckets because I know I’ve cried buckets of tears.”
There were several years after my mom died that I just felt like I was surrounded by darkness. I couldn’t feel God’s presence, couldn’t hear his voice, and His word seemed like it had died, too. Slowly, the light started to peek back in. I had been mad at God. Mad for letting her die young, for letting her death happen when I was completely alone, for stripping me of my one constant encourager in this life.
Then, one day He revealed to me how present He had actually been with me in her death. He showed me how he had strategically put me in a place where I could see Him and feel His presence when she died.
He was with me. He was comforting me. It just hurt too much to see it at first.
Sweet One, if you are in a place of grief, of darkness, know that God is with you even if you can’t feel Him. He is sitting beside you, collecting your tears in bottles. He is renewing your strength day by day in order for you to keep living. If you allow Him access to those dark, bleeding places, He will heal them completely. He will give you His joy for your strength.
Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength! (Neh. 8:10 NLT)
There is a mystery to God that I may never understand. I don’t know how he heals or makes things better, but I know that He does. I’ve seen it over and over again in my life. We can do our part, but ultimately when He does His work, it always seems miraculous to me.
Reach out to others for help
I know when you are feeling sad, reaching out is very difficult. Just ask friends to pray for you. They can pray when you are physically with them and they can pray for you when they are on their own.
Ask for prayer at church.
Keep asking until things get better.
Grief is a time when we desperately need people around us, supporting us, and reminding us that life will not always feel dark.
Gratitude for one thing each day
Every day you must take the time to see the blessings still in your life. Grief can make everything look grey, but the blessings are still there.
When my mom died, I had a 2-year-old daughter and I was pregnant with my second daughter. I cried A LOT. My precious daughter would come up to me while I was crying, take her little chubby hand and pat my shoulder. She’d say, “Is otay, mommy, is otay.” Pat, pat, pat.
I cherished her compassion. I knew she couldn’t make the pain go away, but I loved her comfort. I knew that someday, I would be stronger and she wouldn’t need to comfort me. But I was grateful for her.
There is always something for which to be grateful. Tiny things. Big things. But there are always things to be grateful for. Sunshine – because it brings light when things feel dark. Rain – because it feels like God is weeping with you.
You can do it. Find a touch of gratitude.
God is with you. He loves you.
Lean your weary soul into his loving arms. Allow him to snuggle you in the midst of the mourning. He is the greatest comforter.
