The Dreaded D-word…and Jesus

Depression.

I hate that word. I hate what it means. I hate how it feels even more.

I’ve needed to write this article for some time, but I’ve been avoiding it. It’s complicated. It seems even more complicated in some Christian circles.  Yet, I think we need to talk about it. I think we need to help each other understand.

I know everyone’s experience is different, and I’m not trying to make any generalizations. I’m just going to share what I’ve been learning personally as I’ve walked through some really, really difficult times.

I think I’ve experienced depression many times throughout my life. It is only in the past year that I finally took medication for it. The medication helped the depression immensely but gave me other side effects I didn’t like – like gaining lots of weight.

I did a cleanse/fast a few months ago and decided to try to get off the meds during that time. At first, I felt fine and I was excited. Then, I started to feel most of the symptoms I’d been feeling before taking the meds. Bummer – Like lots of tears rolling down my face – bummer. What should I do? I joked with my husband that it feels like I’m stuck with the choice to be fat and happy or skinny and sad. Those are some lame choices. (And obviously, not all of the real choices I have.)

So, here’s what I’ve been learning as I walk out my beautiful, imperfect journey…

Depression is Real

It’s not all in my head and I can’t make it better just by focusing on the good. I’ve tried that. Really tried that. For me, depression sucks the life out of me. I don’t have the energy to make it through a regular day. I don’t have the desire to engage in life around me. I get angry because simple things are so hard. I lose my words (hence my lack of articles lately). I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to ask for help. I just want to be left alone to sleep, read, escape…

When I’m feeling depression in my life, I’m still carrying on. I’m still reading the Bible and praying. I’m still going to church and worshipping. I’m still loving God and I’m still receiving His love. He is with me. I know He is with me.

The hardest part is knowing God is with me, yet not feeling relief. Struggling with why I don’t feel better, I get frustrated. I question if I’m doing something to cause the depression or not doing enough to “earn” my healing.

I see the weight of the depression on my husband and my daughters. I don’t want to suffer, but I really don’t want my family to suffer.

Depression Does Not Define You

When I’m in the midst of the depression, I have to remember that this way I’m feeling and behaving is not really who I am. I recently saw this and loved the description Prince Ea used regarding depression. No matter how long or how deep the depression has been in my life, I am not depression. The depression is not mine – I refuse to take ownership of something that I do not want. Depression may be affecting me, but I’m not claiming it as who I am or claiming it as my own.

In the midst of depression, it is REALLY helpful to have people who remind you of who you really are. The ones who can remind you that this is only a season. They sing the song over you that you previously sang to them. They remind you of your dreams, yet love you where you are.

Jesus can do this, too. He wrote a beautiful love letter to us that we can go back to time and time again to be reminded of what He says about us.

“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zeph 3:17 NLT

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jer 29:11 NLT

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Rom 8:35-39 NLT

You Can Overcome!!!

I realized just recently that I am finally feeling like my real self. My mind is working properly again. I have joy welling up. I’ve been doing several things to create this change, but I think the biggest shift has been caused by prayer.

About three months ago, a friend said, “I think you and I are supposed to get up and pray at 7:00 am every day this week.”

I said, “Let’s do it!”

That first week of daily prayer together brought so much change for both of us, that we decided to do it the next week. This pattern kept happening. After about a month of praying every day together, we invited two more friends to join our daily prayer calls. The miraculous changes have extended to our friends’ and families’ lives. The list of answered prayers is growing very long. One of which has been the turn around in my life.

I know God is able to help us with whatever we need. Sometimes help comes miraculously, sometimes it comes with wisdom to seek help from people.

I believe God led me to take medication a year ago. I also believe He led me to go off my medication this year.

If you are experiencing depression – THERE IS HOPE!!

Seek God and let Him guide your path to healing. Maybe it looks like mine or maybe it looks completely different. Let some trusted people in on your struggle. Seek counseling. Seek prayer.

As much as you may feel like being alone, spend time with people who will encourage you and help you in your time of weakness.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

YOU ARE LOVED – WILDLY, PASSIONATELY, AND DEEPLY!

Precious Father, Please be with those today who are feeling depleted, lonely, depressed, worn out. I pray your incredible love and joy would powerfully flow into their lives. Lead them by giving them their next step for today. Help them to turn to you. Being friends and family to them to encourage them and hug their necks. Break off the spirit of depression, in Jesus’ name. Break off the spirit of pain, in Jesus’ name. Bring the power and peace of your Holy Spirit into their lives, their homes, their hearts. Bring all of your good plans to fruition in their lives. Thank you, Jesus, for your incredible love! Amen!